


Whisper in the Wind

by leaderching



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Moving, My First Work in This Fandom, Neighbors, One-Sided Relationship, Zhangjun, this is my first time writing im sorry if its shit, zhangjun is life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 08:12:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14786744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leaderching/pseuds/leaderching
Summary: In which Zhangjing fell for the right person at the wrong time.





	Whisper in the Wind

The first time we met, you were moving your things, walking briskly and all over the place. I looked at your face and thought, “hey, you look kinda cute.” I would have offered to help you, but to be honest, I might have only burdened you.

I watched you messily put your boxes one by one. You looked really tired, and I felt really bad. If only I could help you, I would.

 

The second time we saw each other was when I entered your house. You said you were having a movie marathon and I may have or may not have invited myself in. I sat on your couch and waited for you. “Is the popcorn ready yet? I wanna start the movie already!” I complained. You turned netflix on and started to chew your popcorn loudly. Most would have found that annoying, but I found it endearing. You were so focused on the movie, and I was so focused on you.

You soon fell asleep, sprawled on the couch. How could someone be so sloppy yet so cute? I took your snores as a sign and left. I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to turn the tv off, I just thought the background noise would lull you better to sleep.

 

The third time we spent together, you looked miserable. You said your exams were coming and you cannot fail a single test. I was really worried about you. I saw the stack of paper cups and the stash of instant coffee by your desk. Man, how could someone live a lifestyle as unhealthy as this? But who was I to judge you, when I was just like you. I asked you, “why are you even doing this?” And you answered with a snore instead.

I laughed out loud and boop'ed your nose. I fixed your bangs and stared at you, man, you look really damn good.

I studied your face and my heart suddenly raced. What was the meaning of this? It can’t be. I just met you, I possibly couldn’t have feelings for you, right?

With a clouded and confused mind I left your house. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to bid you good night. I needed to sort my thoughts out.

 

The fourth time we hanged out, you brought someone. I thought he was friendly because he really treated you well.

He helped you with your assignments, and made you dinner as well. You were making silly jokes and you smiled a lot. I was happy and contented, seeing you smile and laugh like that. It’s a really rare opportunity. Well, for me at least.

 

The fifth time you invited me over, you brought him again. I thought movie nights were only ours? Oh well, I guess we could fit one more person in.

I tried to catch your attention, I laughed at your boring jokes and even said a few lines too. However, you paid me no attention. You were only focused on him. It hurt, it hurt a lot, knowing that through him I can hear your beautiful laugh. But if I could see you smile and even catch your dimples, I guess I could endure the pain. After all, you are my disease and cure.

Soon enough I felt out of place, and decided to leave the two of you alone. Without much thought I ended up in your room. I was too focused on you, that I forgot to take a good look of this place. I looked at every nook and cranny and smiled at the pile of laundry next to your bed. I remembered you saying that you'd do your laundry last Monday, but of course you didn’t. You were too busy doing other things, and hanging out with well, him.

My eyes drifted to your wall. It’s scattered with photos and cute stickers. Now this is a side of you I never expected you’d have. I looked at the polaroid pictures and noticed that it was all him. Him and You.

My heart couldn't bear it any longer. I had to leave. Without even saying good bye, I left. You wouldn't notice me anyway.

 

The sixth time I went by your house, I was about to apologize to you when I saw you were crying. I thought something bad had happened to you, but turned out it was something bad for me. You said you were going to leave this place, and you were going to live with him.

Those were fat tears of joy, but I wished they weren’t. I wished they were tears of pain instead. I wished it was something bad. I know it’s selfish of me, but I just didn't want to see you happy with someone else other than me.

I hate this, but I hate my self the most. I hate how I even thought of things like this. I should only wish for your happiness, and if that man can give it to you, then so be it. However, can I just be a little selfish for now? Can I wish that I was the reason of those happy tears instead? Why is the world so unfair? Why can’t it be the two of us instead?

 

The seventh time I saw you, you were walking briskly and all over the place, again. This time I thought, “hey, why do you have to leave?” I would have begged you to stay, to stay with me, but I knew you wouldn't hear me.

Just like before, I only watched you. That’s what I’m best at, watching. I watched you clumsily carrying your boxes. Why are you such in a hurry? I wanna scold you, you might hurt yourself!

How foolish of me, to be able to still worry about you, when I’m hurting because of you.

 

The eighth time I was in your apartment, looking on how bare and empty it was. Funny how just months ago, I didn’t mind this at all. Funny how months ago, I didn’t mind feeling empty at all.

I wish I could turn back time. I wish I never met you. But even if I did have the power, I know I wouldn't. Because I know that you were the best thing that happened to me.

 

The ninth time I saw you, your back was in full view, how cold of you, that you couldn’t even turn around and bid good bye. You didn’t even let me see your face, but why would you, right? When the only person allowed to look was the one that took you away from me.

I watched and watched until you were no longer in my sight. I stayed planted on the ground, and for the first time in years, I cried. For the first time in years, I cursed the world. Why does it have to be me? What did I do to deserve this? I just want to be happy that’s all, but why can’t you give it to me?

 

The tenth time, I never saw you again. I was hoping you’d be back, back into my arms. I was hoping you’d come to your senses and see that I am here. Oh the irony, of me saying this, when I know that you could never see me, not in any way possible. Even if I plea and beg and cry for you to be back, you will never hear me. For to you, I am only a cold brush of air, a whisper in the wind. Sadly for me, you were my life. My first love. My first heartbreak.

 

To you, whom I genuinely loved, I hope you’re happy wherever you are. I hope that the one who took your hand, gave you the luxury of life that you deserved. I hope that he loved you more than I did, and I hope that he loves you more than you do.

 

To you, who became my warmth in this cold, empty abyss, I wish I could see you again. I’m always gonna be here, waiting.

 

To you, who became the most important person in my life, I pray that in my next life, I would be the person you’re in love with.

 

Thank you for everything, for the laughter, for the pain, for the memories. Thank you for making me feel as if I was alive. Thank you for making me feel human again. Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you swa for beta-reading and ar for giving me the idea of ghost!zhangjing uwu ily both <33


End file.
